Thinking about old friends lately, wondering what happened to them and why we can't talk anymore. I remember how much it hurt, bridging the gap between where they were going and me, feeling the differences stretch between us like fabric caught on a nail, threading apart and losing strength.
I miss you, butterfly girl, with your sweet ways and fake British accent. I miss your warmth, how you enveloped everyone with your motherliness. I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happy. I couldn't follow you to the path of the occult and you needed too much for me to stay neutral.
I miss you, lock boy, with our mutual interests in video games and movie quotes. I miss your solidarity and your determination to be melancholy. We lost touch, lost focus, moved out of similar spheres and now we no longer talk. In the silence, I wish you peace and love, the lasting kind.
I miss you, cat girl, with your attitudes and unapologetic in-your-face facts. I miss NCIS and House, curled on the couch together. I miss pranking our bad roommate and you educating me on the world, on how to think. You're one of the first people who taught me how to think. I miss being around you, but I know better than to wish you luck. You make your own luck.
I miss you, cigarette girl, so effortlessly cool, but nerdy, not afraid to flaunt the laws of college, unafraid of your love of the macabre, willing to do anything for love. I miss our laughs and how you could always get me to be a little bit more than myself. I know you're happy, but I wish we had more to talk about than trading likes on Facebook.
I miss you, bunny boy, the way you just accepted me and were always there when I needed a friend. I miss our classes and how you taught me 'cool' skills, like long-boarding. I miss not talking about things with you, just walking, or getting cheap pizza. I miss how you made me feel confident enough to reach out to others. I hope you found who you're looking for. You deserve every happiness for how you made me feel.
I miss you, Reaper. I miss your love of ghosts because you thought they needed love. I miss the way we could finish each other's sentences. I miss your nervous smile because you didn't think you deserved to be happy. We had to leave because we flew too close to the sun. I'm so sorry. Of all the friends I've loved and lost, I regret you the most. I did not know what happy was until we met. I hope you have found your peace, your happiness, your strength.
Maybe I miss who I was when I was with you, all of you. I miss my bravery and self-confidence, the way I could walk into a room and not be afraid of what would happen next. I miss my past for different reasons, and maybe that's why I'm afraid to move forward... moving into another chapter means leaving the one I was in, getting further from the time when I didn't have to worry so much about what was going to happen next. I miss not thinking about the future. I miss putting off decision-making because it didn't have to happen just then. I miss my childhood, the way time slowed down and everything was hard and there in the moment. The past didn't exist and the future seemed as far as the horizon. I miss my life before, and those who made it happy.
I couldn't take them with me because... my future happiness depended on them being absent. I wish we could have gone back to the way things were, or kept them the same. I don't like change because it's cost me some of my favorite people. I can wait for something new and try not to hold it to the same expectations.
I miss you, butterfly girl, with your sweet ways and fake British accent. I miss your warmth, how you enveloped everyone with your motherliness. I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happy. I couldn't follow you to the path of the occult and you needed too much for me to stay neutral.
I miss you, lock boy, with our mutual interests in video games and movie quotes. I miss your solidarity and your determination to be melancholy. We lost touch, lost focus, moved out of similar spheres and now we no longer talk. In the silence, I wish you peace and love, the lasting kind.
I miss you, cat girl, with your attitudes and unapologetic in-your-face facts. I miss NCIS and House, curled on the couch together. I miss pranking our bad roommate and you educating me on the world, on how to think. You're one of the first people who taught me how to think. I miss being around you, but I know better than to wish you luck. You make your own luck.
I miss you, cigarette girl, so effortlessly cool, but nerdy, not afraid to flaunt the laws of college, unafraid of your love of the macabre, willing to do anything for love. I miss our laughs and how you could always get me to be a little bit more than myself. I know you're happy, but I wish we had more to talk about than trading likes on Facebook.
I miss you, bunny boy, the way you just accepted me and were always there when I needed a friend. I miss our classes and how you taught me 'cool' skills, like long-boarding. I miss not talking about things with you, just walking, or getting cheap pizza. I miss how you made me feel confident enough to reach out to others. I hope you found who you're looking for. You deserve every happiness for how you made me feel.
I miss you, Reaper. I miss your love of ghosts because you thought they needed love. I miss the way we could finish each other's sentences. I miss your nervous smile because you didn't think you deserved to be happy. We had to leave because we flew too close to the sun. I'm so sorry. Of all the friends I've loved and lost, I regret you the most. I did not know what happy was until we met. I hope you have found your peace, your happiness, your strength.
Maybe I miss who I was when I was with you, all of you. I miss my bravery and self-confidence, the way I could walk into a room and not be afraid of what would happen next. I miss my past for different reasons, and maybe that's why I'm afraid to move forward... moving into another chapter means leaving the one I was in, getting further from the time when I didn't have to worry so much about what was going to happen next. I miss not thinking about the future. I miss putting off decision-making because it didn't have to happen just then. I miss my childhood, the way time slowed down and everything was hard and there in the moment. The past didn't exist and the future seemed as far as the horizon. I miss my life before, and those who made it happy.
I couldn't take them with me because... my future happiness depended on them being absent. I wish we could have gone back to the way things were, or kept them the same. I don't like change because it's cost me some of my favorite people. I can wait for something new and try not to hold it to the same expectations.
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