I have a weird dynamic with my husband.
It's nowhere near normal as far as I can tell, comparing it with other couples I know. He's really emotionally needy, like a kid who wasn't hugged enough or a kicked puppy. He needs constant reassurance about himself, his abilities, who he is. I thought it was because of his parents, but apparently his dad is the same way so maybe it's genetics.
Although it sometimes bothers me, it's never been a huge deal or a deal-breaker. I try to explain it to people and they comment on how they don't know how I deal with him. I can't find the right words. I like being the one he can physically and emotionally depend on. I like being the strong, sure, stable one in the relationship. I like giving. He's more of a taker. And I'm fine with that.
Sometimes my 50% is his 100%. Sometimes it's 10%. Our relationship works and it's awesome because we balance each other. I'm super down-to-earth and he's got his head so far up in the clouds, he can't see me most of the time. Most of the time, it's his world spinning out of control and I have to stabilize it. He's not someone I can lean on 100% of the time. That's ok. I like the pressure to be emotionally stable and to think things through so I'm right 99.9% of the time. He pushes me to be better. And when I can't take it anymore, when I'm on the cusp of crash, he's there for me. More than there, he cups me in his hands and instantly makes the bad things go away, whether it's me pushing out a baby or doubting my own skills as a writer/mother.
It's not a perfect relationship because those don't exist, and we fight more than every successful couple I know. I'm a giver, he's a taker. He's a dreamer, I'm a realist. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. We're different, but it works because one of us is always fighting for the other. When crap hits the fan, one of us always pulls the other out of the way. We work because we love each other and even though we threaten divorce and murder, we don't mean it. We're both aggressive, loud, opinionated, pushy, and stubborn people; but he needs someone to temper his temper and I need someone who fights back.
I can count on him to spoil me like a princess whether we have the money or not. I can count on him to hold me when I'm sick or sad. I can count on him to do whatever I ask him with varying levels of complaining. I can count on him to dream big to give me exactly what I want and, often times, way more than I dare ask for. I can count on him to do the scary stuff so I don't have to. I can count on him to make great friends so I don't have to be afraid of people. I can count on him to do whatever needs to be done so I'm happy. I can count on him to focus on granting my every wish, even if it means he doesn't sleep for two days. I can count on him to hold up my dreams when I get too depressed to do it. I can count on him to listen to me and try to do better. I can count on him to become a better person. I can count on him to love me. I can count on him to stay faithful. I can count on him.
It bugs me sometimes to always be teaching him how to be a father. I know I'm the more stable one and the more developed. I also know I'll always be the bad guy to our kids. I know I'm more mature. I also know I need him. Even though it's frustrating to be an adult and I complain to people about him sometimes, I know that what we have works and it will continue to work because I can count on him to give 100% when I can't. It's not often, and people can see that (and judge him for it). The only time I'll have problems is when he can't. If neither one of us can support the other, then we'll have problems, but through finals, pregnancy, and now a kid, we've only failed each other a handful of times and even though we're a LOT like Beauty and the Beast, we never stop caring about each other, even if we don't have a lot in common besides Harry Potter.
It's nowhere near normal as far as I can tell, comparing it with other couples I know. He's really emotionally needy, like a kid who wasn't hugged enough or a kicked puppy. He needs constant reassurance about himself, his abilities, who he is. I thought it was because of his parents, but apparently his dad is the same way so maybe it's genetics.
Although it sometimes bothers me, it's never been a huge deal or a deal-breaker. I try to explain it to people and they comment on how they don't know how I deal with him. I can't find the right words. I like being the one he can physically and emotionally depend on. I like being the strong, sure, stable one in the relationship. I like giving. He's more of a taker. And I'm fine with that.
Sometimes my 50% is his 100%. Sometimes it's 10%. Our relationship works and it's awesome because we balance each other. I'm super down-to-earth and he's got his head so far up in the clouds, he can't see me most of the time. Most of the time, it's his world spinning out of control and I have to stabilize it. He's not someone I can lean on 100% of the time. That's ok. I like the pressure to be emotionally stable and to think things through so I'm right 99.9% of the time. He pushes me to be better. And when I can't take it anymore, when I'm on the cusp of crash, he's there for me. More than there, he cups me in his hands and instantly makes the bad things go away, whether it's me pushing out a baby or doubting my own skills as a writer/mother.
It's not a perfect relationship because those don't exist, and we fight more than every successful couple I know. I'm a giver, he's a taker. He's a dreamer, I'm a realist. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. We're different, but it works because one of us is always fighting for the other. When crap hits the fan, one of us always pulls the other out of the way. We work because we love each other and even though we threaten divorce and murder, we don't mean it. We're both aggressive, loud, opinionated, pushy, and stubborn people; but he needs someone to temper his temper and I need someone who fights back.
I can count on him to spoil me like a princess whether we have the money or not. I can count on him to hold me when I'm sick or sad. I can count on him to do whatever I ask him with varying levels of complaining. I can count on him to dream big to give me exactly what I want and, often times, way more than I dare ask for. I can count on him to do the scary stuff so I don't have to. I can count on him to make great friends so I don't have to be afraid of people. I can count on him to do whatever needs to be done so I'm happy. I can count on him to focus on granting my every wish, even if it means he doesn't sleep for two days. I can count on him to hold up my dreams when I get too depressed to do it. I can count on him to listen to me and try to do better. I can count on him to become a better person. I can count on him to love me. I can count on him to stay faithful. I can count on him.
It bugs me sometimes to always be teaching him how to be a father. I know I'm the more stable one and the more developed. I also know I'll always be the bad guy to our kids. I know I'm more mature. I also know I need him. Even though it's frustrating to be an adult and I complain to people about him sometimes, I know that what we have works and it will continue to work because I can count on him to give 100% when I can't. It's not often, and people can see that (and judge him for it). The only time I'll have problems is when he can't. If neither one of us can support the other, then we'll have problems, but through finals, pregnancy, and now a kid, we've only failed each other a handful of times and even though we're a LOT like Beauty and the Beast, we never stop caring about each other, even if we don't have a lot in common besides Harry Potter.
