It’s an odd sensation to lose your best friend. You don’t
think about it during the happy times, or if you do, it’s just a passing
thought. Even if you voice your opinion, I’m sure they pound that doubt into
the ground like John Henry on a railroad spike. Echoes of forever spill from
their lips, along with loyalty and love. In spite of yourself, you trust them.
Everything needs a first, and maybe this time you can trust them to stick
around. Having someone to trust in is exciting, exhilarating, fantastic.
Which makes it all the harder when your dreams come crashing
down. Six months later and you can’t get them to text back. Regardless of what
time of day, length or intelligence of the texts, they never respond. You can’t
seem to find them on any social media sites. A few months ago, you were
dreaming of life together forever, now you’ve come to the cruel reality they
never saw you as a true member of the eternal equation, or if they did, it was just
a hiccup in their plans for their life. You were there, and so they cared. Once
they removed themselves from your location, your feelings weren’t entered into
any sort of pledge.
Finally, a call! Days of waiting for them to pick up, and
they do! You talk about almost nothing, they’re in awkward silence while you
attempt to fill them in on everything while trying to find a way to make them
feel slightly guilty for abandoning you without a trace. It doesn’t work.
Like a wind, they’re gone. No response ever. Nothing that
helps you sleep at night. You turn over every leaf in your head, going over
what you said and wincing over the terrible honesty you shared. Perhaps your
true self chased them away, made them feel embarrassed to be seen with you.
Family attempts to cheer you up using the usual lines, ‘Perhaps
they’re at work and are too tired to text back.’ ‘Maybe they lost their phone?’
‘Maybe their phone isn’t getting your messages.’ Whatever the reason, 2 weeks
is a long time to go without talking to your friend, the one you swore was your
best friend. Heck, you might have even cried when you were separated from them,
doing everything in your power to ensure their safety.
Apparently it was all for naught. You made yourself look
like a fool. Instead of opening up wisely, you sprang your full retard on them,
expecting acceptance or fear. They didn’t run away, so you thought it was ok.
How foolish could you have been, how naïve, how idiotic to
think someone like you deserved a friend like them, how could you have thought
you could ever go up in societal status?
Finally, you cave to the broken heart raging behind your
stone eyes, the stone front you give the world so they don’t know you’re dead.
You call them. You find them, you approach them one last time…
And who knows? Maybe being rejected by your one-time friend
isn’t the hardest thing that’s going to happen to you.
After all, people starve to death every day.
